


God Save the Queen

by Brackster



Series: Team GB [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: AU because this doesn't really fit anywhere in the canon continuity, British Trio, Crack, Drunk Fitz, Drunk Jemma, Drunk Lance, Drunken Shenanigans, FitzSimmons - Freeform, FitzSimmons and Hunter Brotp, Gen, Team Bonding, Yorkshire!Jemma, because the tv show can't say she's from sheffield and then never follow that up, because this should be a thing, but it's not exactly canon divergent, but poor long suffering Sober Bobbi and Daisy, maybe? - Freeform, no plot really this is just nonsense, science babies being drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-06-03 17:11:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6619243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brackster/pseuds/Brackster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>21st April 2016 marked the ninetieth birthday of HRH Queen Elizabeth II and the British members of the team decided to mark this occasion by getting very, very drunk, because that's what Hunter is good at and he dragged the science babies (who, let's be fair were the worst boozers in s1) along for the ride.</p>
            </blockquote>





	God Save the Queen

Fitz, Simmons and Hunter had just opened yet another round of drinks when the rest of the team first began to drift in. They'd lost track of how many they'd each had but judging by the surface of the table in front of them, which was barely visible under the collection of empty bottles, it had been a lot. Daisy and Bobbi stopped in shock as they entered the door to the rec room, having finished their training afternoon session, not expecting the sight of the three of them sprawled amongst the empty bottles and cans – Fitz and Simmons on the sofa whilst Hunter lounged in an armchair.

“Guys! Guuuuuuuuuuuuys!” Hunter welcomed them “Where have you all been? Join us!”

“Hunter it's three in the afternoon.” Bobbi reprimanded him

“But, but,” Simmons shuffled forward to perch on the edge of the sofa, a beer bottle clutched tightly in her hand and her eyes shining brightly “It's eleven at night in the UK which means that technically we only have an hour left to celebrate anyway.” she took a large swig from her bottle, clearly confident that she'd provided a bulletproof explanation of their actions.

“Celebrate?” Daisy asked “What are we celebrating? And why weren't we invited?”  
“I just did invite you.” Hunter muttered sulkily.

“We're having a birthday party!” Simmons was giddy with excitement. Daisy covered her mouth in shock.

“Oh my god I'm so sorry!” her eyes were wide as she looked round at the three Brits in the room “I didn't know... oh my goodness I don't even know whose birthday I've missed...”

Daisy didn't know what she'd said that was so funny, but all three burst out laughing at her confusion. Bobbi rolled her eyes at Hunter.

“What have you done this time?” she asked him, pointedly “You haven't lied about it being you birthday as an excuse to day drink again have you?”

“Bob, you wrong me!” he exclaimed with mock horror “I'll have you know that today is Her Majesty the Queen's ninetieth birthday and we're celebrating in like everyone else back home – with a great British bender.” he raised his bottle with a grin.

“Since when were you such a fan of the royal family?” Bobbi asked him.

“Ah Bob, that's the beauty of it – you don't have to be a fan of the royals, just a fan of beer. The pubs back home are staying open for longer and everything” he took another swig and waved a bottle at her in invitation.

“The pubs are stopping open just because it's some old lady's birthday?” Bobbi raised a sceptical eyebrow.

“Don't you talk about our queen like that!” Fitz slurred from the corner. Daisy and Bobbi both turned to him in surprise

“You've changed your tune since last summer. You moaned for _days_ about the media coverage of that royal baby being born!” Daisy shot back at him. He huffed at her

“That's different. They're _our_ royal family, s'like me saying that my grandma is a pain in the backside – that's okay – but if you were to say it I'd be forced to punch your lights out...”

“And she's like our national grandmother whilst also being a wonderful role model as a woman in a man's world,” Simmons took over from him, swaying slightly as she spoke. Her fingers grabbed Fitz' knee to steady herself “ _And,_ ” she left a dramatic pause, her eyes shining even brighter as she looked up at them and leaned in closer, clearly expecting them to be floored by whatever she was about to say “ _And_ she told me she was impressed by the example I was setting as a young girl in science and asked me some very pertinent questions about my Ph.D. thesis.” She sat back in what was evidently supposed to be a triumphant gesture, but misjudged the distance she was from the back of the sofa and slipped ungainly, slopping beer over her hand in the process. Nevertheless, she'd achieved the reaction she'd wanted out of Daisy

“You what? You've met the queen? The actual face-on-British-money queen?” Daisy gaped at her.

“We both have – you don't get a Ph.D. in middle of your teenage years, without attracting a bit of attention – we were at the same event, it's a miracle we didn't meet there.” Simmons beamed.

“Well I'll drink to that.” Daisy declared, swiping up the bottle opener from the table taking the drink that Hunter had been holding out to the pair of them the whole time.

“God save the Queen.” Fitz mumbled in the corner with a hiccup, downing the remains of his bottle. Hunter and Simmons responded with much more enthusiasm and did likewise. Bobbi shook her head and sat down to join them with a sigh of resigned disapproval as Daisy took the first swig of her beer.

“What on earth is this?” she coughed, peering at the label on the empty bottle “This isn't the usual cheap larger you usually buy.” she looked at Hunter, expecting him to answer, she was surprised when yet again Simmons piped up.

“Isn't it great! My dad sent me a crate of real ales last month, he wanted to know what I thought of them...” she trailed off as she took in the table full of empty bottles in front of her with a small hiccup “I might not be able to give him a _scientific_ answer to that one. But they're all local brews, look!” she thrust the bottle she was holding into Daisy's face, her finger tapping bottom of the label which read 'brewed in Sheffield' “ _And_ ,” her voice bubble with the same expectation as it had before she'd told them all about meeting the Queen “And Sheffield has just been named the real ale capital of the world.” she shone with pride for her home town.

“How do we get Coulson to send us on a mission to Sheffield?” Hunter asked “Cos I could drink a hell of a lot more of this.” he cracked open another bottle for himself as well as replacing the empties in Fitz and Simmons' hands.

“Fitz!” Simmons exclaimed suddenly, causing him to sit up with a start from where he had been slouched sleepily in the corner of the sofa, her fingers gripping his knee.  
“Wha... I didn't.. It wasn't me... What have I done?” he blinked at her in confusion, his alcohol addled brain trying to figure out what had caused her outburst and quite why she was digging her nails into his kneecap.

“ _Fitz,_ ” she breathed “Oh Fitz it's the perfect idea why didn't we think of it before?” she turned to him, face alight, almost bouncing with excitement “It's basic chemistry really, we have all the equipment we need in the lab...” she trailed off, staring intently into his sapphire eyes.

“Share the excitement with us, love, we don't all share your psychic link.” Hunter said impatiently. Fitz took a large gulp of his drink and nodded jerkily, mumbling something about there being no such thing as psychics.

“We could brew our own beers in the lab!” she grinned, looking round at the rest of the group with excitement, her gaze settling on Fitz “Wouldn't that be brilliant?” Fitz gawped at her.

“But you tell me off for even having food in the lab, now you want to make beer?” he spoke slowly, having to concentrate on the very act of speaking without his words becoming an unintelligible Scottish blur. They'd both spent the first term at the academy working hard to suppress their natural accents so they could be understood by the Americans they worked with, and both of them found this a lot harder to do when drunk – he'd already noticed Simmons' vowels had become a lot flatter, but her words still all had their endings and she wasn't dropping her 't's or 'h's yet so he figured she was somehow holding her drink better than he was on this occasion.

“But Fiiiiitz,” she whined “Fitz it's in mi blood!” he noted that she was already halfway down her currently bottle at this slip “It's my duty as a proud Sheffield lass in a foreign country to continue the legacy of my fellow Yorkshiremen and women and to share this with the world.” her eyes were wide and solemn as she stared intently at him. His clouded brain failed to formulate a response and she snapped her gaze to Hunter. “You'll help me, right?”

Hunter held up his hands “Don't look at me love, I don't know anything about home brewing,” he paused, before adding with a wink “I'd be more than happy to help you drink anything you manage to create though.”

“You're insufferable.” Bobbi muttered at him.

“Deal.” Simmons declared, holding out a hand for Hunter to shake, which he did. Daisy shook her head in disbelief.

“You Brits are weird.” she decided, gingerly taking another swig from her bottle – she wasn't quite sure if she liked this real ale stuff, but she wasn't going to admit that in front of Simmons, who was now singing some kind of folk song in a language that she wasn't quite sure was English or not, yet another empty beer bottle discarded in front of her. Daisy checked her watch – 3:30pm. It was a good job Coulson and May were off the base on a potential recruiting mission because sure as hell they'd not be impressed by this sorry mess. She almost wished they were around to put a stop to this as Hunter seemed to think that Simmons was onto a good idea with the whole singing thing and decided to launch into a rousing chorus of what sounded like a mangled of something that reminded her of high school graduation, which Simmons gleefully joined in. When Fitz began to loudly sing Flower of Scotland (that one she did recognise) back at them in an attempt to drown them out she decided that enough was enough. She leaned over to mutter something to Bobbi under the noise and the older agent nodded in agreement, both of them discarding their near-full bottles and leaving the room, unnoticed by the other three agents, who were now locked in some kind of England vs Scotland sing off.

Thankfully they'd stopped by the time they returned, fifteen minutes later. All three were now crowded on the sofa, Simmons squashed in the middle with her head resting on Fitz' shoulder as they watched a video on the tablet in Simmons' hands. They all wore similar expressions of misty eyed nostalgia. The scene was so still and quiet, with a kind of sadness to it, compared to the rowdy one they had left. All three looked up as Daisy entered the room first, she was shocked to see that both Fitz and Simmons had surprisingly watery eyes.

“Where'd you go? You didn't finish your drinks!” Simmons said accusingly, attempting to fix Daisy with her most penetrating stare, which lost some its potency after so much alcohol.

“Don't worry, I took care of them.” Hunter hiccuped, his words starting to slur.

“We thought that you might like this,” Daisy stepped aside to let Bobbi enter the room, carrying a stack of pizza boxes “Given that it's heading up to dinner time and you're all far too drunk for this time of day.”

“Simmons already told you, it's a _perfectly reasonable_ time to be drunk in the UK.” Fitz managed, once again having to put extra concentration into forming words that would be understandable to Daisy and Bobbi.

“Well in the United States it's time for dinner.” Bobbi stated, dumping the boxes on an empty chair, unable to find space on the cluttered table.

“Tea.” Simmons corrected her.

“I'm sorry?”

“Tea. It's time for tea.”

“Are you saying you want me to go put the kettle on?” Bobbi asked, confused. Simmons shook her head rapidly.

“You said it's time for dinner but you're wrong it's time for tea and everybody always gets it wrong why do they always get it wrong?” she turned her head to bury her face in Fitz shoulder “Tell em Fitzy” she mumbled, her voice barely audible as his shirt muffled her quiet voice even further. The two sober women looked at him, eyebrows raised.

“Yorkshire.” was all he managed for an explanation, his drunken brain already struggling to deal with the sensory overload provided by Simmons being pressed so closely to him and the very inviting smells drifting over from the pizza boxes.

Bobbi sighed, she was too sober for this. “Okay then Jemma, it's time for tea, you gonna eat some pizza?”

Simmons emerged from Fitz's shoulder, eyeing Bobbi warily, not saying anything.

“Bloody hell I'm not waiting any longer, hurry up if you want a slice.” Hunter said, pretty much throwing himself over FitzSimmons to get to the pizza.

“Not if I bloody get there first.” Fitz responded, also launching himself at the boxes.

“Hey there's enough to go round!” Daisy attempted to calm things down as Simmons joined the fray, but to no avail. She exchanged a look with Bobbi – this was going to be a very long evening of drunk-sitting.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm not sure quite how I ended up writing this but I hope it's as entertaining as it was in my head but basically this was inspired by me watching the news tonight so yeah, kinda weird to start off with. It's just a bit of fun and I'm quite shocked at how long it turned out to be!  
> The song Jemma was singing was ['On Ilkla Moor Baht 'at'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8MWb1FlODQ), which is considered as an unofficial Yorkshire anthem and is written/sung in Yorkshire dialect.  
> Hunter and Jemma then sing [Land of Hope and Glory](https://youtu.be/gLKSDT_2zPA?t=46s) (wiki said in America it was known because it's played at a lot of graduation ceremonies?)  
> Fitz sings [O Flower of Scotland](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88a2L9hoLIo) (and Fitz passionately blaring out Flower of Scotland was something I never knew I needed to see until I wrote it..)  
> I hadn't really decided what video they were watching, but it's something very British - maybe [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AS-dCdYZbo) skit from the London 2012 opening ceremony?  
> Yorkshire!Jemma is life.  
> Come talk to me on tumblr! (Or if you really want more of this kind of nonsense, send feel free to send me a prompt!) [@ladycrankyportcullis](http://www.ladycrankyportcullis.tumblr.com)


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